Forgiveness is not about forgetting the past, but about letting yourself (and others) out of lingering resentment or bitterness.
Jacques Derrida, a major twentieth-century philosopher, approached forgiveness as a complex and nuanced concept, with inherent contradictions and tensions. Derrida suggested that forgiveness involves acknowledging pain and injustice and striving for understanding and reconciliation.
We should not view forgiveness as a form of weakness or excessive obedience. At the same time, one should not give forgiveness to others without any prior notice. Of course, in an ideal world, forgiveness would only be granted if there was genuine remorse and a commitment to change from those who hurt you. But if we make that mountain mortal, we can always be stuck in bitterness, anger, and resentment.
Forgiveness requires controlling your negative emotions like anger, resentment, and hurt. Areas of your brain involved in modulating your emotional responses, including the amygdala and ventromedial prefrontal cortex, become stronger the more you work on forgiveness. As a result, you will reduce the overall negative impact; In other words, you let go of any emotional baggage.
Martin Luther King Jr. famously said, “Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it’s a constant attitude.” Think of at least one person you can work on forgiving this week. If you feel the need to communicate with that person, do so. Otherwise, don’t make the forgiveness process dependent on the other person’s response.